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“I’m not Kanna.”

She didn’t want to be some cheap stand-in for another girl. Did she even want to be where she’d was now?

Something as simple as that wasn’t clear to the teenaged girl who stood silently under her black and yellow polka-dotted umbrella. She’d clung to the person who stood beside her, sopping wet as if he couldn’t give a damn about the weather. Whether she was there, or wasn’t there had never mattered to him before. Never mattered to him even now. But now that she had seen a little deeper into who he really was… She began to doubt. When he saved her… or … some other girl in his memories?

She stole a glance at him, and he ignored it. …When he put up with her second-rate tuning skills, was he enduring her lack of ability, or someone else’s? Something like that… Something like that wasn’t what she’d wanted. She knew what she didn’t want, even if she didn’t know what she did want.

Just that one passing comment to assert her position in his life was enough to shatter everything. Everything that had been meticulously built up, delicately carved out of the most resilient stone; scattered across the floor.

Whatever she’d said before- how they got onto the subject in the first place, where she found out…. None of it mattered to him then. The only thing that occupied his mind was that she- in all her insolence, had brought up the one thing he never wanted to talk about. The name he never wanted to hear again. Did she think she was indispensible? That he could not go on with his life without her presence? None of that nonsense mattered. That much was apparent by the horrified look on the shocked man’s face. The disgusted look of repulsed anger that graced the person whom she had devoted the last few months of her life to. It was she who tore it down. She was the one who ruined everything. It wasn’t his fault, as far as he was concerned.

… What did she know about Kanna? What did she know about anything other than what was put in front of her spoiled self?

She stared down at the handle of her umbrella, not even regretting her slip-up as he gathered his shaking hand into a fist. I’m not Kanna? As if… as if he had been under the delusion that she could replace Kanna. Her? Her? This unattractive girl who possessed not even a twentieth of the gentleness that Kanna once had? This arrogant princess who would never nearly be half as amusing, or interesting to be with as Kanna? She… She didn’t even have the right to say that name.

“Don’t ever…” He began, in the strangled, venomous voice he used to his most hated enemies, “Ever…”

She looked up in his flashing eyes and let an expression that she never would’ve let him see if his sharp glare hadn’t turned onto her so unexpectedly. A face that showed that she was dreading what she knew was coming- a tongue lashing that would leave her in shambles later, perhaps with only the solace of Benjirou’s hand on her head, or Chiasa’s arms tight around her trembling shoulders. This was something that he would never see. The kind of inconvenience she would cause him if he had to hold back his personality for her own weak self… that was unacceptable. … Not that he would bother with a gesture as kind as that.

She immediately painted on her headstrong expression, thankful that he seemed not to have noticed.

He didn’t notice. He didn’t notice at all, because he couldn’t have cared for all the money in the world. He didn’t stop the arm that reeled back, and he didn’t hesitate to hit her. Put her in her place. She let out one of those pitiful, shocked sounds of disbelief at being struck before an unnatural sound of dull cracking gave way to an overwhelmed shriek of pain.

A black and yellow polka dotted umbrella rolled away, useless and unhindered as it tumbled down the steps. All was deaf.

Deafness blocked his ears as he shouted at the dethroned royalty sprawled on the stair case. She bit her tongue to stifle her suffering, but he made up for it.

“You’re nothing like Kanna! You’re nothing compared to her you little shit! All you can do is sit there and gripe about this and that all day. You think you have any ounce of her in you? You’re an ugly bitch who chases after every semi-good-looking guy you set your freaky multi-colored eyes on! You can’t do anything right!!” He yelled down at her, “Kanna…. Better if your fat ass had died instead of Kanna!”

The swords that had inserted themselves into her broken arm seemed to have disappeared and relocated in her chest. All this effort. All this effort, for this? Wide, golden and brown eyes stared in terror at the fountain, as if it were torturing her with views of her greatest hell. No, it was far better a sight than the furious person who towered over behind her- she would see the true hell if she just… turned….

A shuffling sound. He’d turned on his heel, putting his back to hers.

“Don’t fuck with me, you worthless shit.”

This was heartbreak. That dull, deep aching feeling in the cavity of her chest. This was the truth. The twisting, sick throbbing in her stomach. This was pain. The numb, broken arm that the weight of her body was crushing even further. This was loneliness. The fact that she had been abandoned in this kind of situation.

Wasn’t this was what he had always been for her?

-----------------------------------

“I really am fine. It’s just a broken arm and a few other scrapes from when I fell.”

“Hmm, I see.” Benji smiled- that dazzling, sunshine smile that seemed not to understand a care in the world. She grinned back and gave a peace sign with her healthy hand.

“They said I can leave tomorrow, so don’t get too used to me Benni!”

Benji’s face fell, “What??” He turned his head towards the other bed in the room, where Yuzuki sat propped up with her arm in a plain, unmarked cast. He visibly deflated, “I guess that’s good. But I’ll be bored again.”

“Well I’ll come visit or something! It’ll be the same thing, trust me- I’ll bring you flowers and everything.” She assured him, leaning back on her pillows, feeling exhausted with the effort of hitching up her smiles and energetic attitude, “The doctor said you should rest though, so you should sleep! Go on, stop chatting and get better faster. Desserts don’t taste as good in the hospital.”

He turned his face back to the ceiling, sighing in disappointment as he closed his eyes, while she turned her gaze to the window. Did she expect to see Stryker, standing out there? Hah. That would mean it was a dream. That none of this was real and that she was still drugged, and when she woke up, she would have to pretend to one of her oldest friends all over again. She let out a sigh and looked down at her limp fingers.

“Who did it?”

Yuzuki started, turning back to face the blonde who stared at the ceiling wordlessly, his mouth hidden under the white sheets.

“….” Taken off guard, she stared for a moment. How did he know? “… What are you talking about?” She asked casually, feigning as if she had no idea what he was talking about.

“Your arm.” He stated, looking down at the worn white fibers inches away from his brown orbs and following their woven patterns with his gaze. It was quiet before he repeated his inquiry, “…. Who did it?”

She shifted uncomfortably before mumbling unconvincingly, “… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then it was him.”

She clenched her good fist. Benji read her like an open book. Every time. Then again, if she wasn’t whining left and right, then it should’ve been obvious who’d done it. “It … it was my fault to begin with.”

There was a pause, and then he asked quietly, “And the other times that he made you cry. …Was that your fault too?”

A pregnant silence passed- minutes like hours; hours like days. Yuzuki turned her gaze away determinedly, willing Stryker to appear at the spot she stared to prove Benji wrong. But she didn’t want to see him there, and wished he wouldn’t appear. She wished he would never appear again. And yet…. Yuzuki clutched a fistful of white sheets in her good hand, muttering her answer quietly and guiltily, “… I wish it was.”

Benji lifted his eyes from the sheets, turning his back to her as he reached over for the slim silver cellphone on his nightstand. He flipped it open and began clicking away on the buttons, texting a message.

A moment before a beep confirmed the sent messages.

“…. Next time you see him, tell him the carnival is in town.”

Benji paused, not turning back over as he settled into his midday nap, “He’s invited.”

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